Decision
by YukueFumei
Summary: Tohru's point of view on attacking Natsuno. This story is a sequel of my other story called No Regrets, but can be read as a stand alone story, I think.   Warning: boy x boy and spoilers, as the story fills in gaps left by the manga!


**This is the sequel of my other story called No Regrets, but as that story is M rated (for a reason), I made sure that this one can be read as a standalone story.  
**

**The story contains shounen ai. If you don't like it, you can still hit the return button!**

**You're still reading? Well then! Enjoy Tohru's side of the story!**

**Disclaimer: I would love to own Shiki, but I don't.**

**

* * *

**

Saturday, October 8th, Shakku

Yamairi

As soon as the sun had set, Shizuka had woke me up. I hadn't slept much that day, my stomach was hurting from hunger, grumbling loudly.

"Sheez! Your stomach is making so much noise I can't even think, Tohru!" Shizuka was really angry with me. Yesterday, she had decided that I could go and attack people on my own. That I had learned enough and didn't need a mentor anymore. I had gone to Natsuno's house and watched his room the whole night, but I didn't dare to knock on his window. I didn't want to kill him. So, on my first night out, I had made a big mistake: not drinking any blood. When I came back Shizuka had yelled at me, saying things like I was stupid, a failure, should just rot from hunger and so on. "You're coming with me now! I need to make sure you have some blood tonight or Tatsumi-san will punish me too!"

"But I can't attack Natsuno! I can't kill him!" I ran after her as she marched out of the house.

"You know that boy is a pest to us Shiki! He hunts us! If we don't kill him now, he will kill us!" Shizuka was shrieking now. I knew Shizuka was afraid of dying again. "If you don't do it, then I will report it to Tatsumi-san. You and your family will die a painful death, Tohru!"

_No! I don't want Aoi and Tamotsu to die! I don´t mind if I do, but at least they must live! _I hated it how they were using my family to force me into doing things I didn't want. Using my family, Tatsumi had threatened me a few days back to bite Natsuno. It took all of my courage to just knock on Natsuno's window. But, I had chickened out after seeing his face. I loved him! I couldn´t kill him, so I had ran away. I figured I´d rather take the punishment than kill my first love. Unfortunately, I had to run into Shimizu. I knew Shimizu loved Natsuno too, but she loved him so much that she wanted to be the one that might change him into a Shiki. She was even prepared to take punishment from Tatsumi for stealing my pray. From the woods I could see and hear Natsuno being threatened by Tatsumi and Shimizu. There was no escape for him anymore. I felt the urge to protect Natsuno and my body had moved on its own, biting Natsuno before those two psychopaths could.

* * *

Shizuka and I were watching Natsuno's house at a safe distance. I knew Natsuno's room was on this side of the house, it was still dark inside, he wasn´t home yet. _Natsuno will understand, right?_ I thought. Tonight, I had to attack him again, I didn't have a choice._ I'm sure that once I explain everything, Natsuno would forgive me. After all, it wasn't my choice to be caught in this situation! I'm sure he would choose the safety of his family too!_ A light flipped on in Natsuno's room and at the same time a switch of fear was flipped on inside me.

" Tohru, you didn't tell that person to 'not to tell anyone,' did you?" Shizuka's voice sounded really irritated. "Although Tatsumi-san let you slip on the incident the day before yesterday, but don't you dare forget today! If you made any mistake, everyone's next target will be your siblings!"

"Natsuno won't say anything." I wanted to believe he wouldn't.

"Didn't I tell you clearly?" Shizuka was always using that creepy doll to lecture me, I hated it. "After sucking their blood, you must tell them to forget the whole thing. You have to hypnotize them and hint that this is all a dream. In this way, they will forget everything entirely. If you don't do things accordingly, I, the one responsible for educating you, will be scolded as well! You hear me!"

"Shut up!" Her lectures irritated me to no end.

"Now everyone must be talking about it! Everyone has gathered around to discuss how to get rid of you!" I could hear her sniffling with tears. " That must be it! The next thing is, because of your mistake, even the outsiders will be involved as well! Everyone will know! And then everyone will hold wooden stakes a, and wait for us on the road as we pass. I don't want to die again…"

I eyed her sitting on the ground, silently sobbing. I hadn't meant to make her cry. I didn't like seeing girls cry, it made me uneasy.

"You are very hungry now, so do things right!" I was relieved to see that Shizuka recovered herself, angrily screaming at me again. "You didn't even drink blood yesterday… and you were even punished by Tatsumi-san the day before yesterday, weren't you!"

I remembered. The day Natsuno was attacked, I only took a small amount of his blood. Tatsumi punished me for it, by taking my blood. We feel an unbearable hunger if we lack blood. "I understand." I wanted Shizuka to shut up, I knew that I had made mistakes.

"Do you really understand?"

"I said I understand. You can leave now. You're hungry too, right?" I said as I started walking towards Natsuno's house. I didn't look back to see if Shizuka had left too. I stood frozen with fear beside Natsuno's window, ready to knock. _I really can't do this! _I thought with a sigh. _I'll ask Shimizu to do this and I will attack someone else tonight… Shimizu has no choice but to keep it a secret, otherwise we both get punished._ Just as I was about to walk away, Natsuno appeared out of the bushes in front of me.

"Tohru-chan! I'm right here!"

I panicked when I saw him. _Why did he come out here! Doesn't he know he's safer inside the house! _Natsuno's presence, his human scent, made my hunger feel twice as bad, I needed blood soon. I had to suppress the urge to attack him right away. Natsuno moved closer and took something from behind his back. A cross… I cowered away from it. My instinct told me to be afraid of the shape, though I didn't understand why.

"This thing, does it work? Or were you afraid of this thing when you were alive?" As Natsuno was saying it, he took another step toward me. I backed away, feeling the wall of the house hit my back.

"Before this… when we were digging a grave, your comrade seemed afraid when he saw a charm. I thought that this thing might work, I just didn't know that it'd be so effective!" Another step closer… "Are you really afraid of this kind of thing? It's just two pieces of wood… what kind of feeling do you have when you see this?"

I realized Natsuno was just being curious, trying to learn about our existence. I felt a bit relieved, he wasn't planning on attacking me. "….Natsuno…" I whispered, not sure what I was wanting to say. I had just made another mistake. The mistake of calling him by his name.

"Didn't I tell you no to call me by that name!" Natsuno yelled, throwing the cross at me.

I ducked in a reflex, hearing footsteps running away. _Shit! He's trying to get away! _I thought as I saw Natsuno ran into the woods. I had no choice but to chase after him.

"Can't you co-exist with humans! Why can't you just stop attacking humans!"

"It's impossible!" I wanted to explain, but I didn't know where to begin.

"IF YOU GUYS WERE TO EXPLAIN THINGS CLEARLY, THERE'S BOUND TO BE SOMEONE WHO'D BE WILLING TO GIVE SOME FRESH BLOOD TO YOU! WON'T THE AMOUNT OF BLOOD RETURN TO NORMAL AFTER A FEW DAYS! WHY DO YOU HAVE TO ATTACK HUMANS!" Natsuno was slowing down, his condition not allowing him to run for a long time.

"You wouldn't understand!"I clutched my hurting stomach, the hunger was making it difficult for me to run too, but I still was faster than Natsuno. "Just like humans killing animals is approved in society, we, too approve the killing of humans." Natsuno stopped running, breathing heavily. I stopped in my tracks to, keeping a safe distance between us. "At first, everyone is disgusted. Afraid to bear the sin of killing people. Afraid to receive punishment for replenishing themselves with the life of another. But, once you realize that you won't be punished for killing people, you get used to the guilt pretty soon. The guilt of using humans for food. Aren't humans the same? They also butcher pigs and cows and eat their meat bit by bit. It's a bit changed, but this is the same thing."

"And you think this way, too?"

_No, the theory Shizuka thought me never felt right._ I thought as I forced myself to answer the opposite."Yes."

"It can't be helped then. Even an animal struggles before it's death."

_A smart answer,_ I thought, I hadn't expected less from him. Natsuno seemed to take something from behind his back again. My eyes widened as Natsuno took out a wooden stake. _He really is serious about fighting us! Even if it is a fight he could never win…_

"If a cross works, then a wooden stake should too."

I shivered at the sight of the stake. Natsuno had figured out the weapon we fear the most. I wanted to run away… really fast, never turning around… But I was afraid… afraid to turn my back on him… afraid he would attack me from behind. I had no choice but to stay, backing away slowly from the stake… This would be a fight between life and death, either me or him… I didn't want this, but I couldn't avoid it either.

"Tch… THIS IS DISGUSTING! BE MORE LIKE A VAMPIRE! DON'T ACT LIKE YOU DID WHEN YOU WERE ALIVE!"

_What did Natsuno expect me to do? _ I wondered. _Attack him? Run straight at him, while he was waiting with his stake in position to shove into my hear! _ _I wasn't that stupid! _Natsuno threw away his weapon, as I didn't react the way he had wanted me to. I felt relieved, but relief only lasted a second as Natsuno was stroking his sleeve up. I couldn't help but imagine the veins in his arm… veins full with warm blood… I gulped as I forced myself to face away, clutching my growling stomach.

"If you're hungry, then come and have my blood!"

_No! He doesn't know what he'__s saying! It would kill him! _I kept repeating those words to myself, trying to ignore the hunger.

"Come and suck my blood, however I have one condition..." A condition? I couldn't help but stare at him in disbelieve. He was trying to make a deal? "I don't want to die a virgin…"

I felt my eyes widen. _Is the hunger affecting my hearing! Was he really saying that he wanted to have sex? Was he really confessing such a thing… to me!_

"I.. I guess I could ask Megumi to… you know…" I stammered, this was such an awkward moment. "I'm sure she would… um fulfill that wish."

Natsuno's face got angry once I mentioned Shimizu. "You know I don't like her!"

"T.. then.. who…?" I avoided Natsuno's stare. I wanted this discussion to stop, I didn't want to know about his love life. From the corner of my eyes I saw Natsuno closing in on me. I held my breath, his human scent was driving me crazy with hunger. I didn't need air anyway, breathing was just a habit. _No… please… stop! _Natsuno threw his arms around me. _Stop making it so difficult! Please just… Why don't you realize it already! I don't want to attack you… Natsuno!_ I felt Natsuno's lips on mine. My mind went blank, I couldn't believe Natsuno was kissing me. The astonishment made me lose control over my hunger and I felt it taking over quickly.

"I want you…" Natsuno's whisper made me sustain my last bit of control. _He wants to have sex with me?_ I was feeling really happy as I embraced Natsuno. Natsuno wanted me, the same way I had wanted him for a long time now. My feelings were being answered… finally…

"Are you sure?" Natsuno only gave a nod. _My feelings aren't important right now… I need to make the deal… I need his blood! Right now!_ "Um.. do you mind if I uh… would you give me some blood first?"

"Just bite me already!" I didn't need Natsuno to say that twice. The hunger was unbearable and I bite him without second thought. As I tasted the first drop of blood, a sort of frenzy kicked in. I couldn't think and I didn't feel anything. My mind was only filled with a very strong need of blood. I didn't know how many seconds had passed by… maybe it had been minutes or even hours!

"STOP!" Natsuno's desperate scream for me to stop brought me back to my senses. I drew back my teeth from his neck, catching Natsuno as he almost fell down. I noticed his body was in a very bad condition… I had probably taken twice the normal amount of his blood!

"Sorry! Natsuno! I will repay you tomorrow! I promise!" I held him close. "Just wait for me tomorrow, I'll come around midnight!" Natsuno fainted as I said this, his body limp in my arms. I had no choice but to carry him back. His family would panic and cause an uproar if Natsuno wasn't in his room when they came to check on him. So I picked Natsuno up, holding him in bridal style, head resting against my chest. His breathing was heavy. _Tomorrow I'd better not take any of his blood. His body needs to recover._ I knew it would be hard to resist, but I was determined. I couldn't bite him tomorrow, as it certainly would result in Natsuno's death. I arrived back at Natsuno's window, carefully climbing through, hoping I didn't hurt Natsuno in the process. As I layed Natsuno on his bed, I noticed his clothes… _it would be strange for him to have gone to bed with his normal clothing still on. _I thought as I started searching his closet for a pajama. I took one and approached Natsuno again, still unconscious. I figured he wouldn't wake up soon. I started undressing him. _Tomorrow ,this body… he will become mine…_ I thought and if Shiki's could blush my face would have been as red as a tomato. I put the blanket over Natsuno as I finished putting his pajama on. He was looking peacefully as he slept. Before leaving I kissed him once again. "I love you, Natsuno." I knew Natsuno couldn't hear me, but it felt good to have finally said it out loud.

As I ran back through the woods, Shizuka suddenly appeared in front of me.

"Good job tonight, Tohru."

"You were watching?" I asked cautiously.

"Not really, I was waiting for my prey to be alone. I didn't mean to overhear you talking with that boy. Just take my advice and don't do it." She was sounding indifferent about it, glaring at me at the same time.

"Don't do what?" I tried to act like I didn't know what she meant, even though it was pretty obvious what she was talking about.

"Don't full fill that last wish of him!" Shizuka was losing her patience again.

"Why? Why can't I grant Natsuno's last wish?" For some reason, Shizuka was pissing me of. If she had unintentionally heard us talking, then just ignore it! Don't say anything about it! Don't give me some stupid advice that I didn't ask for!

"If you full fill that wish, the boy will have nothing left to regret. To become a Shiki, someone has to have strong regrets. Those without regrets won't become one. Well, it's fine with me either way. Tatsumi-san might even praise you for taking away all possibilities that could raise him from death. In his case, it's better if he stays dead. After all, it would mean less trouble for us. But, let me warn you Tohru. Never get too close with your pray!" Shizuka turned around after her warning, which had sounded very threatening, and left first without waiting for me.

Her warning was too late though, I was already in love with Natsuno. I couldn't help it. But I hadn't known about needing regrets in order to become a Shiki. It was true that I had regretted dying before my siblings… I couldn't take care of them or protect them if I was dead! Shimizu was obviously regretting that she had never left this village and Shizuka was probably regretting dying, making her family sad. It all made sense.

Even though I didn't want to think about it, it was still possible that Natsuno would die, as Shimizu might attack him if I didn't do it. I didn't want Natsuno to die! But, taking away all his regrets would mean taking away his chance to raise again! I tried imagining Natsuno becoming one of us… _Natsuno would hate it! He would never be happy… _I didn't want to see Natsuno suffer, so I made up my mind…

Tomorrow I would definitely take Natsuno's virginity!

* * *

**The thing about needing to have regrets in order to become a Shiki is just a theory of mine.  
**

**Hope you enjoyed the story and please review! =D**


End file.
